Spectacular Failure: On Plan B

It has long been the common wisdom that before you embark on any "risky" venture, you should set up a plan B. This includes becoming an actor, musician or writer. In one case it was even true for a  medical student I know; who's mother insisted he become a concert pianist "just in case" medicine didn't work out.

On a side note, it is seen as poor form to have a plan B for your relationships. This seems counter intuitive to me. One of the biggest risks you can take is getting married. Your finances, social life, children's welfare are all tied to one person. The divorce rate is 50%. Going in you know you have a 1 in 2 chance that it will fail spectacularly. This seems a good time for a plan B. A prenup perhaps? Or a separate bank account to serve as a get-out-fast fund if needed. But this is the one emotionally driven decision where people can see that having a plan B is actually having one foot out the door.

A plan B is always the equivalent of not fully committing. My sister is a singer/ song writer. She didn't finish year 12, instead doing a diploma of music and getting on with her career. I still hear people ask about her plan B. But she doesn't have one. For a while she taught singing lessons. I'm sure she was a great teacher. But soon she realised that the money was nice. She liked being able to afford the odd luxury. And all too soon, her writing time was teaching time. She quit being a singing teacher because as a plan B it was taking over from her plan A.

As a fellow creative I also get the "but what do you really do?" questions. I have tried so many times to find a plan B. Could I be a paralegal? Yes probably but I don't want to. What about a hairdresser? Again yes but I doubt it would be a good fit. There are any number of things I could do instead of being a writer. None of them would make my heart sing. All of them would be a waste of the talent and time I have invested in this path.

I have applied for and been rejected for two PhD's. This is it's own form of spectacular failure. But I'm grateful to the academics who think I am unworthy. They have prevented me from escaping down my own plan B. I like to know I have back up. I like to know I'm on the right track. I have a (sometimes) crippling  lack of self belief. A PhD would have allowed me to hide for 3-4 years while I toiled away in private on a baby of my choosing. It would have delayed me having to push forward toward publication and finding out once and for all if I will indeed fail.

As I get older I get less sensible. I take bigger risks. I have discovered that I would rather fall flat on my face than never try to fly. So this coming 12 moths will see me either published by a publisher or go it alone and self-publish. The two are equally valid in my mind. I just like the external belief that a publisher represents.

And if I go it alone and no one buys my book. Well then I am a spectacular failure but I would still rather fail at something I love than succeed at something I hate. After all isn't the attempt worth more than the fall?

My Self-Help Book Dream

The self-help book market is huge. I would love to get in on that gravy-train. No one seems to have any qualifications. If they do it seems to be secondary to a story of personal failure that has been over come through the use of a personal philosophy.

I have had to over come adversity; in the form of going through a very difficult divorce, among other things. So being a failed wife is my ticket to self-help street cred. And I have a personal philosophy. Which did indeed help me through my long dark tea-time of the soul.

My personal philosophy however does not make a good book jacket. It is not hearts and flowers. It is not uplifting. My personal philosophy is "Fuck It!" It is somewhat similar to Nike and just do it. But is the hard arsed big brother of that thought.

I have above my desk a little sign I wrote for days when I feel self-doubt. "Just write a shitty first draft" it reads. This is my kind of inspiration. It is based on a realistic understanding who I am as a person and what I can actually achieve on any given day.

My personal philosophy does not hold that anything will ever be wonderful. Simply that showing up and having a go will produce some result. And lets face it no one like people who are perfect. "Fuck It" is at its core a statement that attempting something is better than not attempting it.

This does not leave room for self doubt. It does not give you time to procrastinate or over think things. You want to write a book? Off you and write that shitty first draft. You want to run a marathon? What is wrong with you? Don't you know your insurance will go up? But you can just go do that if you want to.

Preparation is doing things now when you don't know if they will be what you need in the future. But a lot of skills are transferable. So make the next move, you will have an opportunity to make another move real soon.

The other problem, aside from having profanity on a book jacket, is that this philosophy does not really need a 200 page explanation. I could fill a book with quirky anecdotes of the people I've helped and how "Fuck It" has changed their life. There would be Bill; the accounting exec who always dreamed of being a clown in the circus so took juggling lessons and now travels the world as a performance artist and tax guru. Cathy; the stay at home mum who dreamed her cookies would make the world a better place and has now funded a Ugandan diabetes hospital from the proceeds of her cottage industry bake sales. And of course my own story of struggle as I left my husband to take on my dream of being a world class dominatrix.

Actually, Fuck It. I'm going to write that shitty first draft.